Cake and Cocktails never tasted so good

bit tired

Koshka and I decided to enjoy the view on the drive back to San Diego…

I love the city.

It’s really hard to feel other than hurt. One day he is saying he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and loves me. Then three days later he is telling me he can’t be with me, he is hurt too much, he loves me and is sorry.

The insulting over the phone break up is just the beginning of the hurt. This was the man that I supposed to share my life with, have two kids and big dogs with. This was the man that whenever I feel bad, if he just hugs me I start feeling better. Whose blue eyes bring me comfort and joy. This was the guy who got my sense of humor.  This was the guy that had that great laugh. This was the guy that was going to go to therapy with me and work on us. Then three sessions in, and the night he is about to share himself with me- he instead calls and says it’s over. There is no chance of every returning together.

Then there was the classic line of “one day we may be friends”. This coming from who I thought was my best friend. Who hurt me so much, yet says he is sorry.

I thought we were getting better. I know I hurt him, because I was so hurt myself. I finally was going to therapy, on medication.  He was finally going to open up after two years in a relationship.  After two years of pushing me to the side, from the beginning not wanting me to be friends with his friends, to not letting me into his house when he wasn’t there, because that would stress him out too much.  From putting all his past relationships bull and punishing me for it. From having me to pry information out of him in order to learn about him. To traveling together, enjoying each others company, seeing each others success, and realization of dreams.

BAM!

It’s over. Too late.

I.    hurt .    A.     lot  .

my happy box doesn’t even work…