Cake and Cocktails never tasted so good

I adore J. she has drive. For example, tonight while talking about heading to the city,

“we aren’t going to stay out late because we are

running a 10k tomorrow morning at the park “. Take note that she is not saying she will not go out, she is just saying that she will not be out late at night. I wish I could do that. 10k and all!

I think that pretty much covers it.

I have recently been thinking a lot about the issue of control. Stressful situations and personal crisis come about because the lack of control or the SENSE of no control. Think of all those situations that can possibly lead to a paralyzation of movement through life. Of course this is not just on a personal level, through out history we see cases of nation wide /society wide moments where there is a feeling no control. Take for example (because no blog post 9/11 can not mention 9/11) the towers falling, this caused a nation wide paralyzation- people felt they were no longer in control, more specifically that their government had no sense of control in the world of security. Ugh..I am digressing. Sticking to the personal sense of control and the variations of resignation of control

Stage Fright:

Through out our lives we go through stages, were we are expected to have gained X amount of experience that allows us to mature and go onto another stage. Well what if we feel ill equipped? What if we feel that the next stage we are to go into is not meant for us? We are saying that we feel we can not control this transition in a way that keeps the stress down to a minimal. For example-

A college graduate is expected to get a well paying job (unless the student has already made peace with their Liberal Arts Degree). Well this can be stressful in the sense that once out of college they are no longer able to directly influence what job they are going to get. Unlike college where: the elective classes were chosen, what time those classes are to be taken, and what degree the student will come away with. A job is not necessarily waiting for this recent Grad; they are at the mercy of the job market, there is no direct control in the Grad getting his dream job or the right job right away.  It’s far more likely that the Graduate will be working as a temp -”buying” his time. This is where many recent graduates bemoan becoming an adult in the world.

This example can have the argument extrapolated that the defining difference between a confident young adult and a confident mature adult is that one thinks he is in control and the other knows there isn’t that much control but will still try to gain it. I digress.

Another well known stage fright is marriage.

We all have heard the phrase ball and chain (MEN you are just as much a ball and chain to women as women are to you) . It is perfectly reasonable to think that there will be a losing of control over one’s own liberties. Where will all those spur of the moment with friends come about? How can one relocate without consulting the other? blah blah blah

Then there is the the infamous

WORK paralyzation:

We all know that work can be stressful. What makes it stressful in the context of control?

One: very few of us are our own bosses, we can not directly control the way administration/corporate/board members etc. are going to define our roles in the work force, new polices and procedures will come, new job duties will come up and we will not always be prepared and capable of doing these new tasks as ordered initially (or ever).

Two: The direct flow of duties is not controlled. Duties being defined as our work projects, a certain amount of tasks that must be completed at a certain level.

Example: Social workers will have a certain case load number that makes their quota for funding, well what happens when they are undulated with more cases then they WANT to handle? The social workers can not control this waxing or waning of cases, they will worry that their jobs or programs can be lost. There is a lack of control present. This stresses them out, and may cause them to panic or become machines and work themselves at levels before not practiced..not the best thing for their well being.

Control in the context of oneself:

Can we always control the way our emotions are going to be expressed at certain situations?

Emotional Control:

If you were to have your car break down on the way to a job interview, will you initially react calmly? call up the interviewer explain what has happened, hang up and call AAA or, will you initially swear and plead at your car to miraculously rev up and fly you to the interview?

Anger Management: Lack of Control of Anger

If you are having trouble controlling your rage because something upset you-you are not necessarily managing your feelings in a socially acceptable manner. It is often noted that when one is having an argument words will slip out that were not meant to be said. There is this lack of inhibition…or lack of control in ones word choice. I will not go into the use of physical harm.

Mood Disorders: Inability to Regulate
There is literally no control of one’s own mood regulation. One can not just WILL  themselves to feel “better”. The idea that we can control our own emotions is shot through with the imbalance of a few neuro chemicals and reactions that never occurred.

Inter-Personal Control: Control of Others

Can you control your partner? friends? co-workers?

If you answered yes to this…you are practicing a dysfunctional relationship and I urge you to seek out therapy. Take it from me, I have a cat and she has taught me that there is no way I can control her actions unless she wants to go along with what I ask of her.

next: how people find control

* This weekend B. and I will go camping.

*I am feeling  excited and apprehensive at the same time.

Buses and Trolleys in the San Diego area will be free all day today thanks to Washington Mutual.

Keep the Change!

1. Must get to petsmart, only near by place that carries science diet

2. get to to petsmart at 9:24 pm. It closed at 9:00 pm.

3. get to whole foods around 9:35 pm , canned cat food price ranges from .49 cents to 1.09.

4.  Spend 1.09 because your cat owns you and you hope that the cat will eat the canned food.

In fact while writing this post, your cat is most likely on your lap, their personal favorite piece of furniture.